Plot Twist

This post may create unnecessary drama, but I have to get it out. It's looming over me like a black rain cloud.

Yesterday morning, I woke up from this horrible nightmare, a manifestation of something that I have been predicting for a very long time. Not really a surprise. I have been quietly lugging this drama around for months, but a new wave of disappointment hit me as this nightmare forced me to acknowledge that I am much more vulnerable than I would like to be. Little did I know that this was not going to be the only weight I was going to carry around.

Cut to that afternoon. I got some unexpected news from my doctor, undeniably bad, but inconclusive enough to leave me wondering if it would ultimately fall into the extremely aggravating category or careen into absolutely devastating.

I don't have any details, and I won't for a long time. Right now I'm just standing at the edge of a cliff, and I'm rather surprised at my own reaction to being in this place. The only thought that initially popped into my head was, "Damn it. This is going to be really expensive and inconvenient."

It's kind of strange that I'm not really worried about anything else. Part of me really just wants to angrily taunt fate - Come on! Try me!

The other part of me could care less. Nothing EVER happens to me. I really could stand out in the middle of traffic or drive with my eyes closed and I would still have the same uneventful life tomorrow. Not that I'm invincible, this is just the life I have been relegated to. What would be the point of making my life more difficult? It really wouldn't change the way I feel about anything. Why would god waste his time toying with me.

The worst case scenario doesn't phase me. I'm at the cliff and ready to base jump. Don't make me pay outrageous sums of money, force me to sit around anxiously, and then tell me to go home. Just push me already! It doesn't really matter if I have a parachute on if I'm already over the edge.