Fear and Loathing in My Own Mind

I think the key to being successful in life (however you define successful) is to be able to conquer fear, the instinct that tells you to avoid things that could potentially cause you pain. I classify it into 3 types:

1) Fear of Physical Pain - This is the obvious stuff that makes us hesitate when someone asks if we want to go skydiving or get in a cage with a lion. No further explanation needed.

2) Fear of Inferiority - Simply put, this is the fear of having to deal with the fact that you may not be the best at something. There are always people out there who are smarter, stronger, and more attractive than you. You can make dramatic improvements with some determination and hard work, but you'll hit your natural limit sooner or later. People have different thresholds for this kind of emotional pain - Some people are only uncomfortable if they find out they are below average... they don't care if they're not Olympic-caliber. Others are distraught if they place second in anything. Either way, it's the same degree of anguish, and it's a hard pill to swallow.

3) Fear of the Perception of Inferiority - This is the motherload. Probably more painful than thinking that you suck is having someone else think that you suck (whether it is true or not). There are 6 billion other people in the world all sitting around ready to judge you. It doesn't really matter what that judgement is, it only matters what you think they think. This is the real root of what you may more commonly refer to as the "fear of humiliation" or the "fear of rejection", etc. Take one of the most common fears, public speaking, for example. That's not really just the fear of standing up in front of a big group of people and having to speak. It's the fear of making yourself a target for judgement... and having the verdict be "guilty of sucking in the first degree". Would you really have this fear if you thought that the audience would worship you like a god no matter what you did up there? Exactly.

So, why are some people more successful? I think it's a combination of confidence and just plain stupidity. Confidence is pretty hard to build, since your evaluation of how cool you are requires that you compare yourself to other people. If hell freezes over and you somehow manage to become smarter, stronger, or more attractive... good for you. Otherwise, your only options are 1) you go insane and convince yourself you are cooler, or 2) other people tell you that you are cooler (you win awards... etc). Pretty darn hard without drugs or lots of cash. Most people cheat and get a significant other - a boyfriend or girlfriend that tells you you're the best thing since sliced bread... a personal cheerleader. For everyone else not using that shortcut, you can still fall back on stupidity. This is where you rationalize, use faulty logic, or just resort to screaming inside your own head to block out any other dialogue your conscience may be trying to have with you. Some people call it "surrendering to destiny" ... I think throwing up your hands and saying "f*ck it" is a more accurate description of that approach.

Why am I rambling on about this topic? Because I'm probably about to do some really stupid things. It's called foreshadowing... but the district attorney will probably refer to it as "Exhibit A".