Smackie the Frog is Crying

I just found out last night that Mitch Hedberg, my favorite comedian, died on March 30th :( He was only 37.

Not that I could actually do him justice with words, but I figured I would post some of my favorite jokes of his... although it's definitely not the same without his classic delivery...

Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.

This shirt is dry clean only... which means... it's dirty.

I don't have a girlfriend, but I know a girl who would be mad at me for saying that.

I had an apartment, and I had a neighbor... and whenever he would knock on my wall, I knew he wanted me to turn my music down... and that made me angry, because I like loud music... so when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say, "Go around! I cannot open the wall! I dunno if you have a door on your side, but over here there's nothing. It's just flat."

I played golf once... I did not get a hole-in-one, but I did hit a guy. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell "fore", but I was too busy mumbling, "there ain't no way that's gonna hit him."

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs.

I think Bigfoot is blurry - that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me... because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying, "here... you throw this away."

When you go to a restaurant and it's busy, they start a waiting list. They say, "Dufrene, party of two... table ready for Dufrene, party of two." And if no one answers, they'll say it again, "Dufrene, party of two." But then if no one answers, they'll move on to the next name... "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufrenes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufrenes are in someone's trunk right now with duct tape over their mouths... and they're hungry. That's a double whammy. We need help! Bush... search party of three. You can eat once you find the Dufrenes.

As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and end the show strong. You can't be like pancakes - all exciting at first, but by the end you're f*cking sick of 'em.