Sew Bad

I don't know how the homemakers and sweatshop kids do it...

Sewing is hard. Granted, it would probably be a lot easier if I had some kind of training, but it still wouldn't be a cinch. I like to start projects whenever the mood strikes me, so that means it's just me and my buddies: the instruction manual and Mr. Trial and Error. It usually is a successful collaboration.

This past weekend, I bought some cloth and started on a top that was supposed to be relatively simple. Skip to a couple hours later... and I'm trying to do some complicated modeling in my head in an attempt to figure out how sleeves actually work on a shirt. Remember those aptitude tests from middle school that asked you to imagine punching a hole in a folded piece of paper and then tell them what it would look like unfolded? Well, I understand the practical application of that skill now... and the fact that I obviously don't have it. I did get as far as decifering some sewing code (isn't basting for turkeys?), and I even managed to sew some darts that were almost symmetrical (I never thought I would actually wish that I had less curves than more... but making my own clothes would be a lot easier if I had Gumby's body type). Well, the work week rolled around, and I all have to show for my efforts is a dining table that has been converted into sweatshop central, a living room that looks like the aftermath of a fabric store explosion, and a rather risque poncho with darts. If I don't get anywhere by the end of this week, I will either have to call for reinforcements or retreat.

Sigh.

Now that I think about it, I have always been fascinated by fashion design. While everyone else was buying TeenBop magazines in middle school, I was buying Vogue (I had to save up... those puppies are freakin' expensive). My ability to watch fashion television 24/7 only feeds the addiction (Fashion Trance on the Style Network really messes with your mind: Carolina Herrera + trance music + ice cream at 1am = fashion-worshipping zombie). Now, they have that new reality show on Bravo, Project Runway. The 2nd episode aired yesterday, but I've already watched the show 4 times (do the math... that means I can't stop watching the reruns). The strange thing is, I'm not a complete fashion freak. I'm missing the gene that triggers the need to buy designer duds or be some kind of trendsetter who constantly experiments with funky styles. I also don't see the need to really spend that much on clothes - it's strictly sales and outlet finds for me (perhaps the Asian gene is just being dominant in this case).

Whatever my problem is, I need to figure out what I am supposed to do with myself... especially now that I know I'm not a sewing prodigy. What's that Mr. Destiny? Did you say "Banana Republic sales associate?"